Tai Walked into a Bar
by Kaye Ristina
Summary: From little kids to PortaPotties, Tai's day just can't get any worse.  Until he meets Mimi.  It's all down hill from there.  Back to her place for an innocent shower, but there maybe more on her mind. explicit scenes in later chapters, NOT A ONE SHOT!
1. Is That a PortaPotty?

DISCLAIMER: I (unfortunately) do not own digimon.

A/N: I wrote this at my friends house so it's a little strange with both her input and mine, but I hope it's entertaining. (Mrs. Ishida-to-you, if you want to read her stories which are usually romantic fluff with a humorous twist but still sweet and cute.)If I get decent reviews I'll finish it. If not, I'll still finish it but I will be sad. :( This story will have some explicit scenes with all of my ideas derived from trashy romance novels. Enjoy. :)

Tai walked into a bar. He said ow. "Aw fuckin-ay, you stupid shithead bar! What the hell are you doing in the middle of the fucking playground?! God dammit, this sucks great big monkey balls!" A four year old boy's mouth hung open, completely astounded. "Hey, you! My mommy says that them's is bad words. You're not s'posed to say those."

"Screw you, fucking little weasel! I hate the park and I hate little kids, so fuck off and leave me alone, god damn you.!!"

The kid started to cry and make a scene. Eventually his mother walked over.

"Are you disturbing my child, punk?"

"NO!! The little stinker came over and yelled at me! I didn't even do anything!"

"MOOMMMY…," the child wailed, "he said bad words at me!"

"Why you little…I ought to report you to the authorities, you juvenile delinquent!" the mother yelled furiously at Tai.

He walked on, hoping the day would get better. He headed toward the Snack Shack hoping to get a legendary Super Amazing Eat Your Heart Out Nacho. His foot sank in the earth, "What the..? Ah, FUCK!!" His foot was stuck in a giant mud puddle next to the watering fountain. He struggled to release his shoe from the muck. The kid from before came to get a drink and spitefully sprayed Tai with water from the fountain.

Tai was livid, "Oh, don't think your mummy will always be there to save your ass, weasel! I'm gonna get you!"

The child ran to his mother and begged for a Super Amazing Eat Your Heart Out Nacho. She asked him if he was going to eat it all and he nodded so they got in line.

Tai finally managed to get his foot from the resistant puddle, but had to leave his shoe behind, "Shit," he muttered. He hobbled to the line. When it was his turn, he asked for his nachos.

"Sorry man, but we're clean out. In fact the last one went to that cute little kid and his mom," he pointed to the same pair from before.

Tai grumbled, "Just my luck."

"Hey man, you want anything else?"

"No."

He quickly turned and walked away, mumbling to himself, "This just isn't my day." He spied a hill and meandered toward it, seeking solitude. He nearly reached the top, when a stray soccer ball soared overhead and knocked him to the ground. A few youngsters scampered up the hill to retrieve their ball when they noticed the now unconscious Tai.

"Oh, shit, we killed him! Quick we need to do something!" A tall but scrawny kid, obviously the leader, cried.

"We could hide the body," one offered.

"But where?" said another. They looked at one another, and then glanced at a porta-potty nearby.

"Hurry, each of you grab a foot we'll put him in there," the leader pointed at the mobile bathroom.

They struggled with the massive load that was Tai, but finally got him to fit in the cramped space.

"Now what?"

"Push it over on the other side of the hill."

"Good idea." They did so.

Mimi skipped merrily along humming an obscure tune. She was on her way up the hill to sit under her favorite tree when she heard a thunderous sound. She looked up.

"SWEET MOTHER OF JESUS! IS THAT A PORTA-POTTY?!" She dashed out of the way, but tripped over a rock and skinned her knee. "OW!! DAMMIT!!"

By this time the porta-potty had made its way down the hill. The door flew open and a boy fell out.

"Holy shit!!" she rushed over to see. The boy was struggling to get up. She was about to help him, when she realized that he was covered from head to toe in fecal matter.

"Dude! You're wearing shit!" she exclaimed.

"What?!"

"You are COVERED in SHIT, dumbass! What were you doing in a porta-potty?"

"I was in a porta-potty? What the hell?"

"Um, yeah. You came flying down the hill in that porta-potty," she looked at him quizzically.

"The last thing I remember was a soccer flying overhead up on that hill," he scratched his head and hit the sore spot, "OWWW!!"

Mimi looked at him over. Despite the stench, he wasn't bad looking. He looked genuinely confused so she took pity, "Maybe you hit your head?"

"Maybe. It really hurts."

"Well, I live pretty close to here. We can walk there and maybe get you cleaned up. Ok?"

He just nodded then winced at the pressure on his wound. "My name is Mimi by the way."

"I'm Tai."

A/N: Are you intrigued, now? I hope so. Don't forget to review and I will be putting up the next chapter hopefully within a week. This is my first story on this account. (My second all together because my email on my first account was deleted because I didn't use it enough and I forgot my password but the account and story is still there. Mrs.KristinaKido(iloveuJOE and The Concert of DEATH, if you wanted to read it.) so be nice :D Please. --Kristina


	2. Feverish Passion, No?

DISCLAIMER: I still do not own Digimon.

A/N: We left Tai and Mimi on their way to Mimi's house to clean Tai off (GROSS), I wonder what will happen now…teehee.

"I just live a few streets away, just follow me. Preferably ten feet away and up wind"

Tai followed the girl, Mimi, but began having second thoughts. Is she really who she says she is? Is she luring him to her house so she can kill him and do strange things to his body? Suddenly she called out, "We're here. Now stand over there, I'll go get the hose."

"The hose?" he looked at her blankly.

"You didn't think I'd let you in the house covered in shit, did you? Just stand there, ok?"

He nodded. She hosed him off.

"Now strip, please."

"What?!"

"Take off your clothes, please," she stamped her foot impatiently, "Leave your boxers on, but take everything else off, then you can take a shower, ok? Geez, you'd think you were born yesterday. I'm going to make some lemonade." She skipped off inside the house leaving Tai standing there.

He took his shirt off, then glanced around for anybody and slipped his pants off. He walked inside. He searched around and found the bathroom and went in and locked the door. He started the shower, then yanked his boxer shorts off. Glancing about his surroundings, he noticed a pile of clothes. A closer look showed a pair of undies peeking out from the pile. They were pink with little cowboy hats on them.

"Weird girl." But the panties were starting to turn him on. He imagined what the girl would look like in just those panties and nothing else. This resulted in an immediate arousal and thoughts switched gears to imagining slowly slipping them off with his teeth. His hand gravitated to his nether region and just when it grazed his erection, there was a knock at the door.

"Tai? I hope you found everything all right. There are towels in the cupboard for when you're done. Don't take too long, it wastes water, ok? Oh and what kind of sandwich do you prefer? Turkey or PB and J?"

"Uhhhh…PB and J…" he stammered. _Jesus, that was close_. He immediately turned the water cold and jumped in. He tried not to go back to that image, but every time he closed his eyes it was there. He moaned softly. What was happening to him? He never got this turned on by a girl he never met. He showered quickly and grabbed a towel. After unlocking the door, he darted out, knocking into Mimi. He got up fast, but Mimi was sitting on the edge of the towel and it came undone, leaving Mimi face to face with a certain member of the male anatomy.

Staring with her mouth ajar, she blinked and it was enough to break her trance. She shrieked and covered her eyes. " SWEET MOTHER OF JESUS, MY VIRGIN EYES!!!!!!!" She scrambled up and ran to the kitchen. Tai rushed to wrap the towel around himself, grinning sheepishly. He was used to that kind of reaction.

Mimi sat on the kitchen floor, breathing heavily. The memory of that perfect specimen seared into her eyes. "Oh man," she breathed. This was going to be an interesting encounter. She called out, "Umm, there are clothes for you on the chair in the living room to the left of the bathroom!"

He heard her yell something but couldn't quite catch it. He waltzed into the kitchen to ask, "What?"

Her eyes grew wide, "I…uh…uh…well…um…"

The sight of his bare chest made her breath catch. He was beautiful and obviously athletic. His muscles were well developed and she couldn't stop staring at his wonderful abs with a cute little happy trail that made her feel dizzy and not quite sane. She knew she was about to do something she would probably regret.

He watched her gawk at him and stare appraisingly at his body when she practically jumped up and threw herself at him in feverish passion. She wrapped her body around him and pressed her lips against him. Without realizing it, he accepted her attack on his mouth as she probed him with her tongue. He kissed her back just as furiously and in their embrace, his towel slipped off of him. She felt his penis pressing up against her stomach and she disengaged from him. "Oh fuck!" she exclaimed and ran to the bathroom and locked the door.


	3. I Heard a Loud Noise and Oh!

Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon.

A/N: So so sorry that I took so long…for a while I had writer's block and then I got grounded so I had to type this on the other computer and then transfer it with those little USB clicky thingys. Anyway it's here now, enjoy.

Oh and word to flamers: If you don't like what you read don't read it…it's that simple. I gave plenty of warnings. Anyhow, Proceed.

She sank down against the door.

"Mimi? You all right?" Tai knocked on the door.

Her voice came in a kind of strangled yelp, "Put some clothes on!!"

He looked down, previously unaware of his complete nakedness. "Oh!" he exclaimed, surprised. "That could complicate things." He spotted the clothes sitting on the chair. He tugged the jeans on quickly, the rough material abrading his now stiff member. _I will never go commando again_, he vowed, adjusting the pants so as to try to comfortably accommodate for Tai Jr. As he slipped the shirt on, he hollered to Mimi, "It's ok, I'm not naked anymore." He heard a heavy sigh and muffled words and the clicks as she unlocked the door.

Mimi cautiously opened the door and tentatively poked her head out. She saw Tai buttoning up the large T-shirt. She flushed.

"Sorry, my boy…erm ex-boyfriend was a bit bigger than you," She glanced down and giggled, "If you know what I mean."

His expression was unreadable as she watched him advance toward her and she experienced an unnerving thrill in her lower abdomen. _It's those eyes_, she thought,_ They're so intense, like they can read my soul_. He was almost upon her when he poked her side and said, "That wasn't very nice."

Startled, she poked him back harder and backed him into a chair. She leaned toward him, "I'm not very nice."

His eyes flashed and he pulled her into his lap. "You must surely be joking." He ran his hands up her body and leaned in close, whispering in her ear, "I think you're very nice." He sensuously nipped at her ear and a slight moan escaped her lips. He took it as encouragement and pressed his lips to just below the ear , on the jaw line and worked his way down, tongue darting against her milky smoothness. She was like sweet, savory honey and he lingered at her collarbone, tracing it with his tongue, eliciting short gasps from Mimi.

She twisted on his lap, wanting him to kiss and lick more of her with that velvety tongue. She ran her hands under the partially buttoned shirt, bringing a sharp intake of breath from Tai. He slid his hand under her top, murmuring against her skin, "It's only fair." She made no move to stop him.

His fingertips grazed her nipples through the thin, gauzy material of her bra. For a moment he wondered if her panties matched, but he lost is when her head fell back and she moaned softly. His hand pushed under the bra and he cupped her ample breast in his hand, his thumb circling the nipple. His lips captured her open mouth, in a crushing kiss. His tongue invaded her parted lips and plundered her sweetness. She tasted so sugary. Holding her nipple between his finger and thumb, he pinched and twisted. Her gasp of surprise became a moan of pleasure.

Tai's erection was pressed so tightly to the jeans, it hurt. _If I don't stop now_, he thought, _I won't be able to_. Not that he minded, but he was sure she would. With regret, he broke the embrace and removed his hand from her breast. Eyes closed, she cried out at the loss of warmth, reaching for Tai's hand. It was all he could do to keep from taking her right there. He stood up with her in his arms, turned, deposited the surprised Mimi in the chair, cleared his throat and said calmly despite the desire coursing through his body, "If you could point me to the washer and dryer, I'd be much obliged." She stared at him, mouth gaping.

"It would be really great, if you closed that cute mouth of yours. It's incredibly distracting." She shut it immediately.

"The washer?"

Eyes wide, she pointed down the hall. "It's on the left," she croaked.

As he disappeared from view, she let out a groan of disappointment. She had wanted him, passionately. But the more she thought about it, the more insane it sounded. She barely knew the guy, she had no business being intimate with him. She berated herself for the out of control kiss in the kitchen. She smacked her hands over her face. _Stupid, stupid, stupid. This guy is trouble, get him out of your house as soon as possible_.

With his soiled clothing in tow, Tai made his way to the laundry room. H tossed them in the washing machine, along with a generous amount of detergent and set it for the one hour cycle on heavy to make sure the stench came out.

Not quite ready to face the beautiful girl in the living room, he dallied a bit, thinking of his best friend Matt's grandfather in a thong to attempt to rid himself of the increasingly uncomfortable erection.

As he paced, out of the corner of an eye, he spotted a small pile of "unmentionables". Unable to resist, he grabbed a fistful, and inspected them. A few were thongs, but weren't trampy. Most were colorful combinations of lace, stripes, and polka dots with accented bows and buttons. He selected a pair and inhaled deeply, taking in the very feminine, musky scent. Bad idea. All the images of thong-clad gramps couldn't banish the sudden surge of blood to his sex. He groaned aloud and carefully set the panties down. He ran to the bathroom, threw the door open, dashed in, and slammed it shut. He fumbled with the button and zipper of the jeans then yanked them down, tripping and falling into the tub, his head thunking against the bottom. Ignoring his throbbing head, he gripped his dick and squeezed a few times before gliding his hand to the base and back to the tip.

Mimi head him slam the door followed by sounds of a struggle and finally a resounding thump. Still reeling from her encounter with the strange boy, she sprang from her chair to see if he was all right.

A knock sounded. He froze.

"Tai?" the door opened, "I heard a loud….Oh!" her eyes widened, "umm…so sorry to disturb you." Unable to properly avert her eyes, she mumbled, "I'll umm…just be out here if you…erm…need me." She quickly departed and closed the door.

Oh hell, he needed her, really bad. He'd deal with the concequences later. For the time being, he had matters to attend to and he gave them his _full_ attention.

A/N: Well I certainly hope you liked it! Don't forget to review! It makes me feel warm and gooey inside (like fudge...Mmmm!) If there are grammatical errors, I'm sorry, I didn't have time to edit well. Please forgive me.


	4. Compromising Positions Can Be Fun!

Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon, and if I did, it definitely would not be a children's show!! J

"Sweet mother of Mercy!!" Mimi cried as she leaned against the wall and rubbed her eyes, attempting to banish the seared image of Tai grasping his straining erection. Alas, to no avail. She sighed and shrugged her shoulders, already having determined that Tai was mentally unsound, and forgave him for his indiscretions. _But my god, what a bod, s_he found herself thinking, _Oh dear, I'm rhyming in my head. That's just what I need, a guy who incites rhyming thoughts_, she thought sarcastically.

At that moment she happened to overhear Tai's slightly muffled love-making groans. She could only imagine the techniques he used bring forth those passionate emissaries and found herself drifting off, quite willingly, into a rather elaborate fantasy.

_I'll walk into my room and he'll be there. Handcuffed to the bed. Wearing nothing but a…SNAP OUT OF IT!!!_ The phone rang.

"Thank God," she breathed. She leapt up and answered on the second ring. "Tachikawa residence. This is Mimi speaking," she said a little too quickly.

"Mimi? Are you all right?"

"Jyou?! Is that you? Um, I'm fine."

"Of course it's me, who else would it be? So what have you been up to?" he asked nonchalantly.

"Uhh..," she faltered, thinking back to the masturbating boy, "umm..not really much of anything," she laughed nervously.

"Are you sure you're all right?"

"I'm peachy keen, you know, chipper even. It's a lovely day, you know, so I'm going to go and do some lovely things now. It was nice talking to you, real nice. I, uh, hope you have a great rest of the day! Buh-bye!" she hung up quickly, her breathing ragged. _Man, I have to calm down._ She bent over the counter, heaved a great sigh, then ambled to the fridge.

"Where did I put that headache mask thing?" she muttered. She was bent over, looking through the bottom shelf when Tai cleared his throat. Flushing at her compromising position, she stood up too quickly, banging her head on an upper shelf.

"Gah! Fuck!" Tai rushed to her side, laying a hand on her arm.

"That fucking hurt. I'm really going to need that headache thing now," she glared at him. "It's all your fucking fault. This whole fucking mess could have been entirely avoided if you hadn't got stuck in that rolling fucking portapotty. I fucking hate portapotties. What were you doing there anyway? I can't imagine you roll down hills getting covered in shat just for fun. Unless you have one of those disgusting freak fetishes. Oh God, you're not going to ask me to poo on you are you? Cause I won't. I just won't. That's so fucking wrong. Get away from me you freak! I don't want you in my house if you're going t--"

"MIMI!! Calm the fuck down. I am not going to make you 'poo' on me. I would never in a million years ever ask anyone to do that. I may be a perv but I'm not a freak. If you want me to leave, I will. I've already been here too long and caused much…unpleasantness. I'm truly sorry. I won't bug you anymore. I'll just get my clothes and go."

"You can't leave yet."

He looked at her quizically, "I thought you didn't want…won't it just be easier if I go now?"

"You can't go yet."

"Well, why the fuck not?!"

"You're clothes aren't dry."

"Oh. Yeah, I guess you're right, huh?" he looked at her. She stared at him. They both began to laugh. Deep, raucous laughter. The kind that cleanses to soul, so to speak. Soon they were clutching at each other to keep from falling over. Failing, they tumbled to the floor. As they gasped for breath, concentrating on breathing normally, her awareness of him intensified. He noticed the gleam in her eyes before he realized that it was reciprocated in his own.

She rolled over and straddled him. "I'm sick of playing these games. It's going to happen. You know it and I know it. So why don't we just get on with it?"

"Well I've had more romantic proposals.." he pouted. She crossed her arms and glared at him. He grinned, "I suppose it will do!" He reached up, grabbed her shoulders and rolled them over so that he was on top. He brushed her hair out of her face, "You're so beautiful, Meems. Absolutely gorgeous." He leaned down and kissed her, his lips barely brushing hers. She groaned and parted her lips. He took the open invitation and thrust his tongue inside, bracing himself against the floor. She reached up and shoved her hands through his hair, marveling at the soft, brown locks.

A/N:

I KNOW. You're all going to kill me for stopping here, but wouldn't you rather I have something to write the next chapter with? Will they actually make it or will there be even more complications?

Review please!

Oh, and a special thanks to banryuwielder244 who by favorite-ing not only my story but me as well, reminded me that I had a story and I rushed to finish this fourth chapter that I have been working on since March 2008.

I'm sorry that I'm so scatterbrained!!!!


	5. Things heat up!

Disclaimer: I, really quite unfortunately, do not own any part of the Digimon franchise. If I did, do you think I'd be wasting my time with these silly stories? I'm just a poor college freshman who's just trying to find her place…. I mean.. Nevermind. Enjoy. :D

Tai broke the kiss and grinned wickedly.

"Now, I've got you right where I want you!" he exclaimed triumphantly.

"Maybe you just fell into my trap and you're exactly where _I _want _you_," she grinned back.

"Succubus," he muttered. He leaned in and nibbled on her earlobe. She sighed with pleasure and ran her hands under his shirt across the smooth muscles of his back. Her body tingled as he teased her with his hot breath, his tongue flitting out to trace the outer edges.

"Mmm…you're very good at that," murmured Mimi as she clawed his back slightly.

"I'm very good at lots of things," he whispered seductively.

She pulled back and looked at him, her eyes sparkling with mischief, "Show me."

"With pleasure," he growled. He rose quickly, pulling her with him. She stood there, startled, as he pulled her blouse over her head and tossed it to the floor. She stared at it for a minute then glanced back at Tai. He could clearly see her thought processes as she made up her mind for her next move. He braced himself as she lunged at him, her hands fumbling with the buttons on his shirt.

He grabbed her hands and shook his head.

"Tsk, tsk, m'dear. I believe I'm showing you what _I'm_ good at." She pouted slightly, folding her arms. Tai laughed, "No, no, that won't do, darling." He picked her up like she was nothing and tossed her bodily onto the couch her arms flew apart in an attempt to regain her composure. He knelt in front of her and kissed her lightly on the mouth. "That's better." He kissed her forcefully and her mouth opened under the incessant pressure. He delved deep into her honey sweet mouth with his tongue. She caught it with her teeth and proceeded to suck on it, making him press even harder.

His hand found her breast, the nipple taut beneath the lacy fabric. He pinched it lightly and she gasped, releasing his tongue. He moved to nuzzle the soft, velvety skin behind her ear and whispered, "Your skin is so sweet. I bet everything about you tastes sweet."

"Hmm?" she breathed, barely aware of his words. He grinned wickedly at her.

"Let's find out," he said huskily. He peppered her flat stomach with kisses as he shifted lower. His tongue teased circles on her smooth skin. He began to slowly unbutton her jeans. She looked down, startled but the heated look he gave her caused her to flush and whimper. He tugged her pants down her thighs, calves and over her ankles. He leaned in to inhale her musky scent, his breath hot through the delicate lace of her panties.

"Mm..you smell so good," he breathed. His tongue flicked out to tease her through the skimpy piece of fabric, "We should get these off, shouldn't we? It sure would make things a lot easier."

She barely managed to mumble in agreement, she was so absorbed in her desire. He moved his mouth to the lacey edge of her panties and gripped it between his teeth. He began to slowly drag them down, his teeth grazing her skin ever so slightly, causing her skin to raise in goose bumps. As soon as the panties came off, he was right back between her graceful legs nuzzling her femininity.

His warm tongue glided over her, caressing her deepest self. She began to writhe under his attentive ministrations. Rays of pleasure shooting to her core, her right hand dove into his hair, tangling in the thick mass in her frantic groping. Her left hand flew over her head to try to grab onto something for support. Waves of heat flowed through her body, steadily building, growing stronger. She thrust her hips forward so he could take more of her into his mouth. Just as she was on the brink of losing all control, he pulled back. She cried out at the loss of his hot mouth, reaching for him again. With her eyes, she begged him to continue. He laughed and said, "I told you I was good at what I do."

At her pitiful expression, he grinned and kissed her soundly. "Now it's your turn." Her eyes flashed and she gave him a wry grin.

"You asked for it then," she warned, her eyes dancing. "I'm going to make you wish you hadn't stopped."

"By all means. I can't wait."

A/N: I KNOW! I'm terrible at updating.. I am so sorry everyone! I hope you enjoyed that.. It only gets better… I think.. I haven't written it yet.. In the meantime, go read a romance novel.. Or watch some porn.. Or read some smut which is the cross between romance and porn.. I suggest if it's still up.. Totally hot. :D


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